You've successfully subscribed to Leading by Example
Great! Next, complete checkout for full access to Leading by Example
Welcome back! You've successfully signed in.
Success! Your account is fully activated, you now have access to all content.
Success! Your billing info is updated.
Billing info update failed.

#13 Have to vs. get to

#13 Have to vs. get to

On my mind

Every day last week I gave myself "be" time in the mornings. The idea came up in a session with my coach, so we made it an assignment. I've had a morning routine for years, but it's all about doing: drink a glass of lemon water, dry brush my skin, take a cold shower, exercise. Instead, this was an hour I gave myself to do whatever I wanted—including nothing, if I was so inclined.

One of the things that I noticed, reflecting back on a week of "be" time, was that I often chose to "do" things that I find myself otherwise resistant to or resentful of. In particular, writing and thinking strategically about our business.

These are both things that have come to feel like "have tos." Writing has been at least part of how I get paid for my entire career and running a business with my husband means thinking about that business can easily become a constant. Giving myself extra time and removing the pressure helped transform these things into "get tos."

On my Audible

I've been wanting to read The Body Is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor for months, but it's backordered pretty much everywhere. Then one of our team members (thanks, Jacqui!) mentioned she'd listened to the audio book and it was great. And of course it is—Taylor is, among other things, an award-winning performance poet, so hearing her read her own powerful words is a special treat. (This performance of her poem by the same name is devastatingly beautiful.)

The book's premise: bodies should be the great unifier—we all have one, after all—but instead we're caught striving to attain a "default" body (in the U.S. that's generally young, healthy, straight, cis, white, neurotypical, male). We internalize shame and stories of "not enough" when we don't measure up to that default. Taylor's book (and organization) charts a clear path out of this mindset (which exhausts individuals, communities, and the Earth). "Radical Self Love" might sound like a trite Instagram sentiment, but as Taylor shows us, it's actually hard and important work.

A Tarot card

This Five of Earth card comes from the Mythical Goddess Tarot deck by Sage Holloway and Katherine Skaggs and speaks to the energy of manipulation. Manipulation can be overt: someone shaping your perception of a situation to get what they want. It can also be subtle: your thoughts, shaped by overwhelming media exposure, telling you stories that limit your joy and radiance. "The need to control or to be controlled comes from a lack of faith in life's process," this deck tells us. It asks us to remember our own strength and sacredness, while simultaneously trusting in something bigger than our individual perception (whether we call this God, Spirit, Nature, or the subconscious mind).

A question

What's something you feel like you "have to" do—and what would it take to make it feel like a "get to"?


Thank you for reading—I know how valuable your time is. If you think this newsletter (and the Leading By Example podcast) might be worth a friend's time, please consider forwarding it.

Are you the friend? Please go here to subscribe.